


Promises

by loire, meeokie



Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: BBL spoilers, CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE, Happy Birthday!, Hate Husbands, Holiday Star spoilers, M/M, One Shot, Requited Love, domestic angst, too many feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 10:56:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5414258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loire/pseuds/loire, https://archiveofourown.org/users/meeokie/pseuds/meeokie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every year. It was the same, every year. He woke up feeling ill, something deep - some sickness that he could never treat, no matter how much medicine he gave himself. Why? Was it some ironic reminder that he shouldn’t have a birthday? That he should feel all the guilt he hid away every year, piling and piling on top, suffocating him again and again on this awful day?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Promises

**Author's Note:**

> More domestic one shots ft. Hate Husbands!! This time it's to celebrate Shuu's birthday! This isn't as fluffy as [Hitori's birthday](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4861745) but it's just as sweet, we think!
> 
> Happy Birthday, Shuu!♥ We love you!
> 
> \---
> 
> Maybe we should burn the house down  
> Have ourselves another fight  
> Leave the cobwebs in the closet  
> 'Cause tearing them out is just not right
> 
> Why can't you stay here awhile  
> Stay here awhile  
> Stay with me
> 
> All the promises we made  
> All the meaningless and empty words I prayed
> 
> All the promises we broke  
> All the meaningless and empty words I spoke

"Good mornin--"

Kazuaki's smile faded.

There was no one next to him in bed. Not this morning, of all mornings.

Dark, naturally colored grey eyes stared out across the futon, one slender hand lifting from the blankets to reach for the other side. Fingers found the mattress to be cool; the other had been gone for a while it seemed. He stroked upward, to the pillow. Lips that had awoken with a grin now held nothing more than a frown as he tugged the pillow to himself, heart heaving. Kazuaki hardly heard the faint flutter of a letter that fell as he pulled the pillow close, burying his face into a richly intoxicating scent that he both treasured and hated.

He was content to lay like that for a time, simply cuddling the pillowcase rather than the person whose head should have been resting upon it in the first place - who should have been right here this morning, where it was safe and warm.

"I never even heard your alarm..." he spoke softly, to no one in particular. He stroked his palm slowly over the pillow again, pressing half of his face into it. It was rather typical of him to talk to himself. A heavy sigh fell as he closed his eyes; "I had hoped to greet you this morning. It's your birthday, after all..."

When Kazuaki finally decided to push himself up to sit, he found the paper face-down on the mattress. Curiously he had reached out for it, finding nothing but a short note written; one that caused him to stare blankly before letting the letter fall back to where it had once landed.

Of course today wouldn't have been forgotten by the person whose birthday it was.

Kazuaki sat there, staring across the dim bedroom. He couldn't be upset, he had hidden away on his own birthday. It was natural... He was sure they had both simply gotten use to being alone on such days; whether out of choice of wanting to be out of sight or...

Shuu deserved a good birthday. Well, perhaps  _deserved_ wasn't the right word to use but... After everything that had happened, he had at least earned the right to a happy birthday in Kazuaki's eyes. Months spent together - sleeping, eating, daily chores, shopping, stepping into a life that was so domestic and normal - such had come easily for the two of them. The beginning of it, however, had been...testing; both mindful that either one of them could easily turn on the other at any moment they chose to. Shuu certainly lived in much more fear than Kazuaki, especially being bound to a wheelchair those first few months.

But they easily fell into a life together; as if the past didn't matter even though it did. They were even now - something Kazuaki pointed out several times. 

And despite that, Kazuaki knew exactly just how lonely birthdays could be.

That's why he had planned to treat Shuu to such a lovely breakfast today but it seemed that the doctor had other plans. He would come home soon? Kazuaki reflected back on the letter as he took a brief shower to help wake him up. How soon was...soon? Did Shuu intend to stay out only this morning? All day? 

A faint bout of worry passed over him as he considered the weather, the announcement playing low from the television in the livingroom as Kazuaki bundled himself to go out. It would be exceptionally chilly and overcast, well into the evening which would give way to another fresh spell of snow. Ah... Shuu loved the snow though, didn't he? But did he take his coat? A scarf? Would he be warm enough? How was his side feeling today? Would his joints become too stiff that he wouldn't be able to walk?

But... Perhaps then, if Shuu were out, Kazuaki would have time to go around the corner to buy what he needed for dinner and a cake.

Ahh... But what cake to make? He should have decided this sooner. Kazuaki was aware that Shuu indulged in dark chocolate often. The doctor wasn't particularly fond of sweets... Not even Yuuya could account a time Shuu may have eaten anything else. The idea of making a dark chocolate cake, in that case, was rather tempting but...not fitting. As he scoured the rows of the market, he tried to rack his memory for any other possible recipes he knew offhand before making the realization that what would be perfect.

It was almost  _too_ simple but... He almost laughed to himself at the thought. Would it be a poor joke, perhaps? Red velvet was very delicious, though.

With a brighter smile he began to pull the ingredients he needed to make one by hand, as well as everything for a rich, whipped frosting. 

Ah... When was the last time he had gone shopping to make a birthday cake? It had been...well, years really. The amber contacts of his eyes took in the sight of flour and candles rolling down the conveyor belt. It was so foreign to him, the idea of doing this all over again. A part of him was oddly excited; perhaps Shuu didn't know what Kazuaki had planned for him? That was always the best part, the look on a face when they realized they had not been forgotten but had a surprise waiting for them at home. Shuu's birthday gift was already wrapped up and hiding at the bottom of Kazuaki's drawer of their shared dresser.

Oh, what if Shuu preferred to go out to eat, rather than eat something at home? Did his mother cook for him when he was younger? Did his father insist on treating them to a nice dinner out at a fancy restaurant they never got to visit often? Well, it wasn't like Kazuaki didn't know how to store left-overs if that were the case. He truly had no other plans today so it wouldn't have been a waste of his time either.

Groceries were carried home. A bright tone called out for Shuu when he arrived but Kazuaki was genuinely surprised to hear no answer. As he took off his shoes at the front door, a pair of the doctor's was still missing as was his coat. Kazuaki only closed the door behind him before wandering to the kitchen, where he began to set out what was currently needed and what could be stored in the fridge for later.

The day dragged on - or that's the way it felt as he remained at home, alone with no contact from the other. Kazuaki was tempted to try and text Shuu but he knew better than to get into contact with him when Shuu obviously didn't want to be contacted. It still worried him - what if he...had left? What if today was what caused him to... No. Shuu wouldn't just run away or...do something even worse than that. They had made their  _promise_. Shuu wouldn't do...something like that.

Would he?

The thought alone was overwhelming. Not even a week ago had been... Well, was it appropriate to call it an anniversary? Kazuaki had treated it as normal as any other day, or at least he had tried to. He was sure Shuu could tell that he had been bothered by something but he disregarded it the one time the doctor had decided to ask if everything was alright. Kazuaki only laughed and smiled, closing those lying eyes with a false color of amber.

But Shuu didn't know... Not the extent of it. Not what happened in December, not what happened to the  _true_ Kazuaki. As far as the doctor was aware, it was only an identity Hitori had made up. And it would stay that way, for as long as he could get away without having to explain himself.

But today... Shuu wouldn't, would he? He ached, he worried, he felt himself losing his grip. His cuts on vegetables became unbalanced; jerky; unfocused. All of his thoughts were only of Shuu and what the man could possibly be doing right now, alone, out in the city somewhere, perhaps even on a train or a plane or at the bottom of a lake. It had taken Kazuaki longer than it should have to register the pain in his fingers or the blood over his cutting board. His palm was shaky as he stared down at the deep cuts on his fingers, eyebrows knit together tightly.

No, Shuu would be home soon. He said so! He said he would in his letter! He would come home, he would come back  _home_!  _Their_ home! He would be here! He would!

Perhaps he was being mocked? Here Kazuaki was, thinking he was the one with the awful joke as the red velvet cake sat nearby, dressed beautifully with that handmade frosting. 

By the time he reached the bathroom, Kazuaki was nearly blinded by tears blocking his vision. His fingers pulled on drawers and cabinet doors, using the bottom of his wrist to wipe away the offensive tears to at least try to read the labels of what he was pulling out. He didn't care about the blood he was smearing and leaving everywhere, he would take care of that later - right now he needed to finish dinner and he couldn't very well get blood into the pot of boiling broth. A strangled sort of laugh sounded at the thought of it.

"But you would like that, wouldn't you?" he spoke to no one, unscrewing the cap to some medication. "It would suit you - very well. Ah, how funny..." 

But it wasn't.

Kazuaki sat at the table that evening; dinner prepared, dishes laid out, the cake made, Shuu's gift wrapped. 

Nothing about this was funny. Or happy. Or lovely. Or warm.

It was just another lonely birthday. One that wasn't even his own.

Two plates laid out, a full meal, a cake with candles that would never get blown out.

"Was that his birthday wish...?" Kazuaki whispered, his smile crooked as he laid half of his face into the palm of his hand. "How selfish."

His eyes fell closed, the tears only returning. All that he could do was laugh as bandaged fingers pulled into his own hair.

"...Happy Birthday."

  *******  

Every year. It was the same, every year. He woke up feeling ill, something deep - some sickness that he could never treat, no matter how much medicine he gave himself. Why? Was it some ironic reminder that he shouldn’t have a birthday? That he should feel all the guilt he hid away every year, piling and piling on top, suffocating him again and again on this awful day?

That was why Shuu took today off - from work, from research - from every responsibility. Not because he wanted a fun day alone. Because everything felt  _wrong._  There was no way he would let Kazuaki see him like this, not when he was tripping over his own feet and dropping his glasses. No - it wasn’t his side. Nothing physical held him back. It was his mind. Of course it was all in his mind. Those horrible whispers plaguing him - his own voice really. 

_'You aren’t allowed to be happy today. It’s unfortunate you’re still alive another year after things you’ve done.'_

Shuu’s fingers shook as he scribbled out a note, tiny droplets from his wet hair hitting against the paper. No…no that was wrong. Another piece fell into the bathroom trashcan as he bent over the edge of the sink, bright red appearing in front of him as he tried, so very hard, to explain to the one person that seemed to care - just why he was gone.

_Kazu…_

No.

_Hitor…_

_I am incapable of mentally deal…_

No.

_I’m sorry I cannot spend the day with..._

NO.

Violet eyes closed in frustration, more paper crumpled into his fist and thrown away. Why was he trying to explain himself? Would he even care - Shuu’s reasons or excuses or whatever they were, for being gone today? Would Kazuaki even…remember, what day it was? Why should he? Care at all? Shuu was having a difficult time even remembering if he had ever told the other…

_l’ll be home later. Please do not worry about me._

He didn’t address it to Kazuaki, nor did he sign it - it wasn’t needed. Shuu watched the laying form on the bed, so early in the morning - before the normal time he even woke to go to the school. He was always peaceful looking in his sleep, eyes closed to the horror of existing day after day. Shuu watched him sometimes - the rare moments that he awoke before the other. He imagined reaching out, wrapping his long fingers around that neck and choking the life out of those eyes. The next moment he found himself longing to touch differently, slide his body closer to the insufferable heat that Kazuaki gave off, hands reaching into those false locks.

He left the note, hopefully where the other would find it and did not look back, closing the bedroom door, and then the front door quietly, setting off for…nowhere really. Just somewhere else. Not here. Not near anyone he knew. He wanted to be alone. No. He was supposed to be alone.

He walked. Not just to the train station. No, that wouldn’t work today. So he walked further, two, three…he lost count - what stop was this? It didn’t matter. Shuu shoved his cold hands into his jacket pockets, thick red scarf curled around his neck as he tried to hide his nose against the harsh winter wind. It wasn’t snowing yet, but there were piles from previous nights. At least the sun was gone - the threat of more snow storms hanging above him.

Good.

Trains were a blur. He boarded, sat down in a corner, tugging his phone out from an inside pocket only to read the time and switch it over to silent. He didn’t need that today - he didn’t want to remember that anyone would want to contact him. A distraction really. 

Shuu sat there by himself, until the very end - the last stop. He wasn’t paying attention of course, eyes low as he stared at tiny pieces of snow melting along the rubber floor, dirt and grime mixed in. Filthy. Of course, it would all be cleared away quickly - even in bad weather such things were constantly cleaned; the doctor appreciated that. He dragged himself up from his spot and continued walking, eyes flickering around for any signs of something familiar. None. 

Good.

Eventually his feet took him to a small cafe, something tiny and hidden away in a corner - it looked warm at least, no neon lights or advertisements plastered to the windows. It was old - the red building looked almost squished between new ones, as if they were suffocating it slowly; a quiet death.

He ordered only black coffee, shoving himself into a corner booth, far away from anyone else - although there seemed to be only a few other customers. It was rather awful - the coffee - nothing like Kazuaki's…

Shuu frowned, feeling something wet drip along one side of his cheek. Violet eyes traveled up, looking for the source of a leak above his head but he saw nothing. Maybe some water from outside had fallen into his hair? He patted along brown locks and still…nothing. Finally, those fingers dropped, reaching under his glasses to feel at the corner of his eye.

_'Oh.'_

The next moment he was chuckling, hands dropping to curl around the heated cup. Was his body betraying him now, too? Or was it some awful collaboration against him, trying to force… _feeling_.

He stayed like that for a long time. Two. Three…three and a half cups of just…sitting there, alone, trying desperately to not thing of anything at all. He left of course, eventually - money left on the table with a generous tip.

_'Happy Birthday.'_

He was lucky to catch the last train, mind far away to something else - fragmented memories of past birthdays, broken images of…parents, and a cake...candles? Shuu had no recollection of what he felt during any of this - just that perhaps they had happened. Had they? Or was he just making those up, to feel some sense of normalcy? Everyone had some memories of birthdays as a child, right?

Eventually, he checked his phone as he left the train station - home only a few blocks away. Nothing…not even one call, or one text. He had…expected, something from Kazuaki - he always fell into terrible loops of worrying so it was strange to have - nothing. But that was what Shuu wanted right? Nothing. A day with no one. So why did he feel so…panicked now?

He knew his way home of course, but it was rather difficult to see…anything, with the way the snow was coming down now. Just blankets of white everywhere, and vague streetlights were all Shuu had to go by. Sidewalks were already piled with at least six inches, so he trudged forward out of assumption. He searched for the text in street signs, feet starting to lose feeling through his already soaked shoes.

Fingers fumbled at the door - really he should have brought his gloves but he had forgot them this morning and he didn’t want to wake Kazuaki by opening the door again, so he had just left. Now however, he was cursing his unfortunate circulation as he tried, carefully, to open the front door as quiet as possible.

The doctor paused, door still wide open to the cruel wind and snow, eyes focused only on Kazuaki, his form barely seen at the kitchen table. He was still up? But why…it was so late? Did he not find Shuu’s note? 

_"...Happy Birthday."_

Shuu heard that - although by the way it was said, he wasn’t certain that he was…supposed to. It didn’t matter much now - he wouldn’t hide the fact from the other; he would no longer do anything to Kazuaki that could be seen as a lie.

He waited until the other eventually looked up - either from hearing Shuu’s feet against the floor or perhaps feeling the cold gust of wind blowing through the front.

_'Why? Why would you do - anything for me?'_

It felt cold.

Kazuaki's entire form was racked with the chill of a harsh wish that blew in straight from the open door. A part of him wondered if it was just his imagination again, willing Shuu to walk through the door and come back home, but when the cold didn't fade away... Pulling his hands away from his face, Kazuaki looked up. He turned to look toward the front door, where Shuu currently stood, chilled and icy and covered with melting snow. Slowly, his eyes widened as another tear managed to roll down one cheek; those faux amber colors stared, taking in the sight, trying to establish that this was reality and that this truly was Shuu standing before him and not... Not some figment of his memory or another ghost or...

Violet eyes met false gold, looking for the answer but unwilling to ask.

“…Kazuaki?”

" _Isa..._ "

Shuu was uncertain in that moment, if the tremble in his fingers was from the cold or…from hearing that name, today of all days. 

Kazuaki's heart ached, thumping hard against his chest with something more painful as his anger and hatred came roaring to the surface as well as the overwhelming relief and joy. The glasses on the table fell and the plates jerked across the surface as he shoved himself away quickly. Lifting up to his full height, sock-covered feet hurriedly made his way toward Isa, where long arms claimed ownership around a very thin form. Shuu was stuck in place, eyes flickering down to the table's surface, watching cups and plates tumble, watching Kazuaki’s face show too many emotions, all at once. He wanted to run - to escape back into the cold night, let the snow bury him, let himself be forgotten. Perhaps that way he would be able to forget. Forget the way Kazuaki was looking at him now - erase the memory and the feeling ripping through Shuu’s heart as he let the other shove against him, almost desperate to make sure that any of it was real.

A second later that idea was gone and the doctor was wrapping those awful fingers around Hitori, tugging along the back of his sweater like a lost child. When had it gotten this bad? Since when had he…dug so far into Shuu - trudging up emotions the doctor so desperately tried to bury. Those tears felt as if they stung along his neck - heat dripping down onto the scarf that Kazuaki had gifted him. 

_'…I should have…called. At least once…because…'_

The cold didn't bother Kazuaki, at least right now. He hugged the doctor close to his firm figure, burying his warm face and hot tears into the space between Isa's neck and collar, heaving a silent cry when the doctor's scent reaches his senses. His arms squeezed; tugging Isa even closer to him. Was he trying to warm him up? Was he trying to still tell himself that Shuu was really here?

Shuu had come  _home_. So he hadn't...

"Y-You didn't...break your promise?" Hitori managed to whisper, stroking a hand down the doctor's back.

Shuu frowned, violet eyes clear with confusion as he looked up Kazuaki. Was that…did he really think that to be an option? Is that what he assumed Shuu was doing today? Had he…yet never bothered Shuu? Even knowing he could - that the doctor probably would answer that call - but not another from anyone else. He felt weak; he neglected to eat anything today and the weather, and all the walking…

“…I don’t care if you distrust anything I’ve ever said, or anything I ever will say to you. But please, know that I will never intentionally break that promise. I didn’t…mean to cause you worry today…it would have been worse if I…”

His voice trailed off, eyes that had automatically sunk lower when speaking looked back up when he felt those too hot fingers in his damp locks. Pulling back just enough - enough to be able to look down at Shuu in his arms - Hitori stared back at that pale, chilled face. Kazuaki was always too warm. Isa didn’t care if that heat would burn him slowly. Hitori's fingers pushed through hair to either side of the doctor's face before pulling Isa to him, leaning down to meet him half-way in a frantic, overpowering kiss; lips slanting together hard, hands fisting into those long strands of dark brunette hair. Hitori let go of a breath he had been subconsciously holding, only to inhale sharply while leaning in for another kiss that he only delved into much deeper than the first. Shuu had no escape from this - locked within lean arms, pressed so tightly to Kazuaki's chest, his mouth unable to do anything but relent to the other's desperate fervor and will. 

Swallowing heavily, Isa shoved away all that hidden guilt and let himself be taken by the other, mouth moving easily with Hitori, letting his body be held in place, the cold of the half closed door still creeping along his spine.

' _I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left. I should have tried.'_

This is what he had become - somehow, after everything that had happened. Conflicting swirls of emotions still - hatred, anger, lust. Love. It always felt best when he let Hitori control it all. It was…easier now, like this, to belong to someone completely. Easier to trick  himself into thinking he had no other option - that he could not do anything else with his life. The truth of it was that he didn’t want to. Obsession. Possession. 

He…was happy.

"Isa..." Hitori spoke again, that name hung up in his own throat.

His fingers released their vice-like grip, smoothing around to the back of Shuu's head as he brought their faces back close together. Kazuaki managed a smile, that relief still washing over him and forcing away the anger, the hatred, the contempt...

Shuu had not broken his promise. 

"...Welcome home, Isa...and Happy Birthday."

_Thank you._

Shuu wasn’t aware if his words had reached Kazuaki’s ears - he only felt them leave his lips as he shoved his face forward, uncaring as his red frames pushed against the bridge of his nose, his favorite smell assaulting his senses as his fingers tugged harder against the other's back. 

Isa never asked for anything on his birthday, and neither did Shuu.

But he would be content, even knowing he never deserved it, if Kazuaki and Hitori was what he could come home to every year, until the very end - whenever they both finally fulfilled each other’s promise. 


End file.
